A friend of mine from school corresponds with me on Facebook. After i began writing about our experiences and what we learned,working on sharing to help others, she began sharing with me about her own experience and how torn they had been in trying to stand up to the bully. As a survivor, she has a very powerful story, one that speaks to just how hard it is to find the right path to survive and thrive after bullying and harassment. To my friend, my heartfelt thanks for sharing. To our readers, I hope it gives you another perspective in your own journey. If you would like to share as well, we welcome guest bloggers here, to broaden perspective and learn together. Thanks!
Bullying can lead to PTSD
I am 37 and suffer from PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It all started in 2002 when I got married and we bought our first home and moved next to “the neighbor from hell.” We had only been living there a week when we received an anonymous letter on our door threatening us because according to the letter we had cleaned off our drive way and had send dirt down the way to our neighbors. The thing is we don’t clean off our driveway or sidewalks with the hose because we grew up in a drought and don’t waste water like that.
Six months later we very tastefully landscaped our yard and our neighbor didn’t like it and then for the next 4 years he would yell at me, threaten to kill me, throw stuff in our yards, etc. He tried to petition to get rid of us, but due to there is no HOA we didn’t do anything wrong. And it wasn’t like we had funky lawn art or pink flamingos in our yard. We didn’t cement in our yard and make a parking lot. Our yard was very typical of other yards in our neighborhood, and was actually a copy of a yard down the street that got praised in the local paper for being beautiful and drought tolerant.
He did find some people to back his claim and as they walked the neighborhood taunting me I no longer felt welcomed and feared trying to make friends with other neighbors, as I was afraid they would lash out at me too. (A few years later we found out his biggest follower and our other harasser was arrested for being a Pedophile.)
At first we just turned the other cheek and didn’t say anything. Because isn’t that what we are taught in church. If you have nothing to say don’t say anything at all? We were nice and polite. We knew he was in the military and was home on disability. In addition his wife really wanted to have a baby, but couldn’t get pregnant. So tried to be empathetic and hoped that soon he’d stop taking his anger out on me/us. He didn’t stop and things escalated.
Finally my husband went over there to talk to him and he told my husband to beat me into line, as that is what he does and it works.
Later we found an odd substance in our back yard that was obviously put there by the neighbor so I called the police. They came and I told them what had been going on and due to it was only my word against his they couldn’t do anything. They said if he threatened my life again I could call them up and they would put them in a holding cell over night. That was all they could do. They suggested we move. Like you we didn’t want to let him push us around and win so we stayed.
For four years I feared for my life every day. I was afraid to go outside. I stayed home with all the widows and doors locked and the alarm set. If I went out side I took my phone with me and was on it talking to someone just so I won’t feel so alone and someone would witness my death if it came to that. When I had to leave the house I would turn the car on in the garage, lock the doors, open the garage door and then pull out. When I came home I would pull in to the garage close the door, turn off the car and then get out.
It’s been 8 years since he moved and I’m still dealing with PTSD.
I regret not moving. We didn’t do it at the time because we didn’t want to let him win, it would have been expensive and a hassle. Looking back we know that the cost and hassle would have been worth my sanity. My husband also regrets not standing up to him more in the beginning.
Last year I moved and my PTSD is better, the house and yard isn’t there to trigger it every day, but it still isn’t all gone.
I post what I do, hoping to help someone not feel so alone.
I hope it will help.
Again, many thanks to my friend for sharing her story!
