Surviving

Note- This is a cross post from our farm blog, but one that seemed appropriate to share here...

As I was just moving things around outside, I found myself thinking that for all of the work and all of the ups and downs, I don't feel as though I am moving as far forward as I would like, but instead just surviving.  But then I thought, for all we have been through, is that really so bad?

Over the last few days, I have said to myself, over and over, "I will not borrow trouble."  I know that at my age, I should know better than this.  But as I learned that the bullies who doggedly pursued my child have, in several cases, been befriending the true friends my daughter has, just as they did before they isolated her in the last couple years before viciously tearing her down, I found myself having to say this, and remember that she does have true friends.  And she will need to learn to handle those people eventually.  I have her homeschooling now, so that she can at least focus on schoolwork without the constant bully garbage, but she does need to learn to stand up to people like that.  So, "I will not borrow trouble."  I do know that it only makes things worse!  Enough overprotective mama!

I had originally planned that I would take time to blog today about the power of those little moments in life, where you turn around and just say "wow."  Those moments of connection with nature's beauty are where my husband feels most spiritual, closer to God within his own heart.  But as I was looking through magazines for recipes to save so I could recycle the magazines, something reminded me of the need to count our blessings regularly.  This right after the thought about surviving, made me think I would take time for that in today's blog post.

Each evening at dinner, we say grace as a family, led by the children.  The simple prayer hasn't evolved as the children have aged, despite my suggestions.  So, after grace, we share around the table what we are thankful for on that day.  That simple act of counting our blessings, and rejoicing in those special to those we love, is so special to me, and I think it helps ground me, too.  Especially on the days that worrying- as much as I know not to- sneaks into my consciousness.

It is interesting, as we have heard the phrase, "from your lips to God's ears" that each little prayer of hope, thanksgiving, and self reflection is a small conversation that helps us become the person we want to be- and that we can be proud of.  Regardless of your personal beliefs, these simple acts are also scientifically proven to increase the level of joy in your life.

So if you, like me, find the need to remind yourself to let go of the worries and count hte blessings in your life- consider yourself blessed- and on the right track to more blessings.  Good really does breed good, right.  In our outlook as well.  And now we have science to back us up- yet again!

Update...

Hi there.  A little over a week ago, my daughter and I went to a meeting of the Anti-Bulling Task Force in our town.  It is one arm of the Fund for Civility and Understanding, created as a positive community based response to the Giffords shooting of January 8th, two years ago.  The home school person from the county superintendent's office, had mentioned it to me as something empowering, since my daughter is resisting trusting a counselor.

There are presentation at each monthly meeting, form folks doing community work, like helping adult leaders learn about recognizing and stopping bullying.  We learned that conflict resolution, for things like bullying, generally doesn't work.  Why not?  Because in bullying, there is no conflict.  Bullying is about power, and exerting power over others for personal gain.  So there isn't a true conflict to resolve, and conflict resolution only enables the bully and traps the victim into being "nice" yet again to someone continuing to hurt them.

At this particular meeting, there was a man from a group who does free education in sexual harassment.  He was discussing that this, too, isn't about sex, but about power.  It is abuse, plain and simple.

They are having a youth PSA contest, which will present in April.  The theme is bystanders, and how they can make a difference.  I remember how last year, when the bullies were carrying out their plans, which I hadn't realized were truly plans which had been orchestrated by a group of people until right around that time- that the bystanders had been warned.  When we walked up, the bystanders stepped back, knowing what was about to happen.  The bullies backed my daughter and I up to a fence.  They knew they had done enough to really do damage them.  And no one stepped forward to care.

There is also a project talking to the parents of those who have been bullied.  That will be interesting to see where it goes.

At the meeting, she did actually introduce herself, which is more than she has done in some time.  The little girl, who used to seek out new kids at school, to give them a place to eat lunch until they found their footing, hadn't been able to manage introductions in some time.  So I am hopeful, and we are moving into a new chapter, with homeschooling and moving forward again.

Got any hints to share?  Strategies?  We are glad for guest blogger posts and ideas and comments.  I moderate them for making sure they aren't mean spirited, or the like, but otherwise all perspectives are welcome.  Hope to hear from you all.  We wish you the best.

Honor Students can be Bullies, too.

There is a myth I have encountered, that bullies are confined to certain types of people.  Anyone can be a bully, just as anyone can become a target for a bully.

For whatever reason they become a bully, and no matter who they are, it's not okay.  Sweeping it under the rug or ignoring it in any way only serves to encourage and embolden the bully and further hurt the victim.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” MLK

Funny that a friend posted that on Facebook last night.  I had been thinking about the way that Martin Luther King, Jr.'s words  can apply to so many facets of life.  On the way home on Sunday, I was listening to a radio show where they were talking about him being a reluctant leader.  That while there were others in his community more seasoned and who were more senior in the fight, they didn't think the bus boycott would work.  They thought it would fizzle out before long, and didn't want their names attached to a failed attempt.  So Martin Luther King, Jr took the role.  Funny, I had never heard that part before.  

Nor had I heard that in the beginning, his speech wasn't going over all that well.  There was a witter who had prepared and eloquent speech for that cold day, and in that moment, they were losing the drive and attention of those gathered.  One of Martin Luther King, Jr's advisers near his side, said to his friend to "tell them about the dream."  And in that moment, the young minister went off of the prepared remarks and into his own words...

"I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today."

This is just a small excerpt from the speech, right when he first begins to speak about the dream.  Off-script, off-message, but honest.  And it speaks directly to all of us.  As a parent, this speaks to me on many levels.  No child is more important or more deserving of love or a quality education simply because of where they were born or live, what their last name is, how much their parents donate to a cause or group, or who they "hang out" with.  

In this crazy life, sometimes we lose sight.  We are coming to see more and more instances of children who believe they are so much more important than others that they ridicule others, using profanity, spreading lies about and leveling vile charges they know are not true.  Lately, the parents are even coming to help the use spread the lies and hurt the other youth, somehow leading themselves to believe that if their own child achieves superiority form this, that it somehow makes the morally hollow behavior okay, as though the ends justify the means.

In my own experience, I am seeing the schools and community organizations where the youth are being bullied almost give up in trying to deal with the offenders.  I was told that since the family clearly sanctioned the behavior and participated in it, that taking action was somehow pointless.  That kind of approach only sanctions the behavior and encourages those leading the bullying.

So as we begin a new year, highlighting the beginning of a nre presidency in our nation and using the day of reflection to remember the legacy of Dr Martin Luther King, Jr, lets also remember that while we have come a long way in accepting one another, we have some distance left to go in terms of standing up for one another.  The dream still stands.  Let;s judge not based upon the color of one's skin, the size of their bank account, the perceived popularity, but based upon the content of the character.

Hugs to all.  Now lets go make this day a beautiful new day of kindness and beauty- for everyone.

Another simple thought...

I am not usually one to post so many photos or quotes, but the description here rings true.

I have spent a great deal of time reading about what makes a child more likely to be bullied, and the folks with empathy, who want those around them to be happy, and work to put others first, are the most likely to be deeply hurt in bullying.

So please, look around you, and notice those who need someone to stand beside them.  You can both work for good together!

Who Needs 'Em?

This is so much easier said than done.  Still, it is true.  We don't live for or through the bullies.  We live for ourselves- for the people we want to be- for the world we want to make.The bullies are nothing in the face of good, strong people who want a better world!

We matter... You matter... Not the bullies... They don't matter in your life.

I have had so many things I have thought to share here on this blog, but not always the words.  Rarely the words, in fact.  I spent time with a friend last night, and we talked about how unbelievable it is that the establishment seems to allow those who bully to bend the system and have far more rights than those they have abused and continue to abuse.
They don't call it the bully pulpit for nothing.  So often those folks are allowed to say things everyone knows cannot possible be true and run others off in hurt from their lies.  Even when the establishment supposedly has stepped up to try to stop them.
As we look forward to a new year, I saw this quote and thought to share.  I know this is far easier said than done.  How have you been able to stop letting the bullies affect your life?  Any tricks to share?  Ideas?  It would be wonderful to see a forum on this following the post.
Hugs to all.  This is a log road.  But we can build a better world.   Our children, our friends and we, too- deserve it.