Honor Students can be Bullies, too.

There is a myth I have encountered, that bullies are confined to certain types of people.  Anyone can be a bully, just as anyone can become a target for a bully.

For whatever reason they become a bully, and no matter who they are, it's not okay.  Sweeping it under the rug or ignoring it in any way only serves to encourage and embolden the bully and further hurt the victim.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” MLK

Funny that a friend posted that on Facebook last night.  I had been thinking about the way that Martin Luther King, Jr.'s words  can apply to so many facets of life.  On the way home on Sunday, I was listening to a radio show where they were talking about him being a reluctant leader.  That while there were others in his community more seasoned and who were more senior in the fight, they didn't think the bus boycott would work.  They thought it would fizzle out before long, and didn't want their names attached to a failed attempt.  So Martin Luther King, Jr took the role.  Funny, I had never heard that part before.  

Nor had I heard that in the beginning, his speech wasn't going over all that well.  There was a witter who had prepared and eloquent speech for that cold day, and in that moment, they were losing the drive and attention of those gathered.  One of Martin Luther King, Jr's advisers near his side, said to his friend to "tell them about the dream."  And in that moment, the young minister went off of the prepared remarks and into his own words...

"I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today."

This is just a small excerpt from the speech, right when he first begins to speak about the dream.  Off-script, off-message, but honest.  And it speaks directly to all of us.  As a parent, this speaks to me on many levels.  No child is more important or more deserving of love or a quality education simply because of where they were born or live, what their last name is, how much their parents donate to a cause or group, or who they "hang out" with.  

In this crazy life, sometimes we lose sight.  We are coming to see more and more instances of children who believe they are so much more important than others that they ridicule others, using profanity, spreading lies about and leveling vile charges they know are not true.  Lately, the parents are even coming to help the use spread the lies and hurt the other youth, somehow leading themselves to believe that if their own child achieves superiority form this, that it somehow makes the morally hollow behavior okay, as though the ends justify the means.

In my own experience, I am seeing the schools and community organizations where the youth are being bullied almost give up in trying to deal with the offenders.  I was told that since the family clearly sanctioned the behavior and participated in it, that taking action was somehow pointless.  That kind of approach only sanctions the behavior and encourages those leading the bullying.

So as we begin a new year, highlighting the beginning of a nre presidency in our nation and using the day of reflection to remember the legacy of Dr Martin Luther King, Jr, lets also remember that while we have come a long way in accepting one another, we have some distance left to go in terms of standing up for one another.  The dream still stands.  Let;s judge not based upon the color of one's skin, the size of their bank account, the perceived popularity, but based upon the content of the character.

Hugs to all.  Now lets go make this day a beautiful new day of kindness and beauty- for everyone.

Another simple thought...

I am not usually one to post so many photos or quotes, but the description here rings true.

I have spent a great deal of time reading about what makes a child more likely to be bullied, and the folks with empathy, who want those around them to be happy, and work to put others first, are the most likely to be deeply hurt in bullying.

So please, look around you, and notice those who need someone to stand beside them.  You can both work for good together!

Who Needs 'Em?

This is so much easier said than done.  Still, it is true.  We don't live for or through the bullies.  We live for ourselves- for the people we want to be- for the world we want to make.The bullies are nothing in the face of good, strong people who want a better world!

We matter... You matter... Not the bullies... They don't matter in your life.

I have had so many things I have thought to share here on this blog, but not always the words.  Rarely the words, in fact.  I spent time with a friend last night, and we talked about how unbelievable it is that the establishment seems to allow those who bully to bend the system and have far more rights than those they have abused and continue to abuse.
They don't call it the bully pulpit for nothing.  So often those folks are allowed to say things everyone knows cannot possible be true and run others off in hurt from their lies.  Even when the establishment supposedly has stepped up to try to stop them.
As we look forward to a new year, I saw this quote and thought to share.  I know this is far easier said than done.  How have you been able to stop letting the bullies affect your life?  Any tricks to share?  Ideas?  It would be wonderful to see a forum on this following the post.
Hugs to all.  This is a log road.  But we can build a better world.   Our children, our friends and we, too- deserve it.

Something we should always keep in mind.

One survivor's story...

A friend of mine from school corresponds with me on Facebook.  After i began writing about our experiences and what we learned,working on sharing to help others, she began sharing with me about her own experience and how torn they had been in trying to stand up to the bully.  As a survivor, she has a very powerful story, one that speaks to just how hard it is to find the right path to survive and thrive after bullying and harassment.  To my friend, my heartfelt thanks for sharing.  To our readers, I hope it gives you another perspective in your own journey.  If you would like to share as well, we welcome guest bloggers here, to broaden perspective and learn together.  Thanks!




Bullying can lead to PTSD


I am 37 and suffer from PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It all started in 2002 when I got married and we bought our first home and moved next to “the neighbor from hell.”  We had only been living there a week when we received an anonymous letter on our door threatening us because according to the letter we had cleaned off our drive way and had send dirt down the way to our neighbors.  The thing is we don’t clean off our driveway or sidewalks with the hose because we grew up in a drought and don’t waste water like that.


Six months later we very tastefully landscaped our yard and our neighbor didn’t like it and then for the next 4 years he would yell at me, threaten to kill me, throw stuff in our yards, etc.  He tried to petition to get rid of us, but due to there is no HOA we didn’t do anything wrong. And it wasn’t like we had funky lawn art or pink flamingos in our yard. We didn’t cement in our yard and make a parking lot. Our yard was very typical of other yards in our neighborhood, and was actually a copy of a yard down the street that got praised in the local paper for being beautiful and drought tolerant.


He did find some people to back his claim and as they walked the neighborhood taunting me I no longer felt welcomed and feared trying to make friends with other neighbors, as I was afraid they would lash out at me too. (A few years later we found out his biggest follower and our other harasser was arrested for being a Pedophile.) 


At first we just turned the other cheek and didn’t say anything. Because isn’t that what we are taught in church. If you have nothing to say don’t say anything at all? We were nice and polite.  We knew he was in the military and was home on disability.  In addition his wife really wanted to have a baby, but couldn’t get pregnant.   So tried to be empathetic and hoped that soon he’d stop taking his anger out on me/us.  He didn’t stop and things escalated.  


Finally my husband went over there to talk to him and he told my husband to beat me into line, as that is what he does and it works.  


Later we found an odd substance in our back yard that was obviously put there by the neighbor so I called the police. They came and I told them what had been going on and due to it was only my word against his they couldn’t do anything. They said if he threatened my life again I could call them up and they would put them in a holding cell over night. That was all they could do. They suggested we move.  Like you we didn’t want to let him push us around and win so we stayed.


For four years I feared for my life every day. I was afraid to go outside. I stayed home with all the widows and doors locked and the alarm set. If I went out side I took my phone with me and was on it talking to someone just so I won’t feel so alone and someone would witness my death if it came to that. When I had to leave the house I would turn the car on in the garage, lock the doors, open the garage door and then pull out. When I came home I would pull in to the garage close the door, turn off the car and then get out.


It’s been 8 years since he moved and I’m still dealing with PTSD.  


I regret not moving.  We didn’t do it at the time because we didn’t want to let him win, it would have been expensive and a hassle.  Looking back we know that the cost and hassle would have been worth my sanity. My husband also regrets not standing up to him more in the beginning.


Last year I moved and my PTSD is better, the house and yard isn’t there to trigger it every day, but it still isn’t all gone. 






I post what I do, hoping to help someone not feel so alone.


I hope it will help.






Again, many thanks to my friend for sharing her story!